


Strange Night Chats

by StormTales



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-15
Updated: 2013-12-15
Packaged: 2018-01-04 16:27:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1083162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormTales/pseuds/StormTales
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nino stays up late at night and meets a talking tofu. Just another symptom for lack of sleep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Strange Night Chats

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Anon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anon/gifts).



> For anon on Tumblr who requested a prompt story of Nino, Food-chan, and Bed-chan. It's pure crack. Enjoy!

After a long day at work, Nino can finally relax at home. He took a shower, reheated his leftover dinner, and carried his plate to his bedroom. Usually, he’ll eat at the table, but today he was just so tired and so exhausted, all he wanted to do was crawl into bed with his laptop and maybe play a few quick games.

"What will it be tonight, Bed-chan?" Nino giggled as he turned on his computer. "Some WoW? Maybe some new downloads?"

As if by some magic, Nino’s tiredness faded away and his back hunched over. His laptop was the only source of light in his room. On his plate, there were only a few pieces of rice and a single mabo tofu left. Soon enough, the clock read 3:30AM, and Nino was still awake.

"Crap," Nino grumbled. "I should…get some sleep."

"How about a late night snack?"

NIno jolted slightly. His eyes finally left his monitor screen as he stared into nothingness. “Who’s there?!”

"Down here!"

Nino glanced down and saw the tiny mabo tofu pouting up at him. It had chibi-like eyes and a tiny mouth with no nose. Nino was completely dumbstruck with his mouth gaping open.

"Should I hop into your mouth for ya?" Food-chan squeaked its tiny voice.

Nino could only make a whining noise and shook his head. _“I must be drunk,”_ Nino thought. _“No…wait. I didn’t drink any alcohol tonight…am I high? But I don’t have any drugs. I must be hallucinating.”_

Nino rubbed his face and tried not to stare at Food-chan. “I must be sleepy.”

"Have one more late night snacky before Bed-chan takes you in," Food-chan piped up.

"You can’t talk!" Nino raised his voice at it and pointing his finger for extra measure.

But Food-chan didn’t look offended. “Of course, I can! It’s always a party in the fridge. But when Master needs us, we do our duty!”

Nino’s accusing finger went limp. “Your…duty?”

"Everything here has its duty," Food-chan jiggled its tofu body happily. "Bed-chan has been keeping you warm and comfy all this time."

"B-bed-chan?"

A deep voice moaned. “That’s me.”

"WAAH!" Nino jumped out of bed and fumbled onto his back side. 

While on the floor, Nino saw the mattress starting to move on its own. The wrinkles formed a pair of eyes, and the mattress' edges created lips. 

"Don’t be afraid, Master Nino," the bed spoke in its deep sleepy voice. "I love it when you snuggle your sweet bottom against my fluffy surface."

A live animated bed talked to him!

"E-eeh…aah…I-I, uh, eeeh-"

"It’s okay, Master!" Food-chan popped over the sheets. "We are harmless! Everything we do is to please you."

"Yes, Master Nino," Bed-chan hummed. "Come back on top of me. It’s no good to sleep on the floor."

 _"I had sex on that thing,"_ Nino thought, feeling more paranoid by the second. _"I…did stuff on it!"_

"It’s no good, Food-chan," Bed-chan sighed. "He’s scared stiff."

"Master!" Food-chan jumped down from the bed and bounced its way towards Nino while leaving a trail of sauce behind. The tiny tofu leaped onto Nino’s knee with a wet ‘plop’ of sauce.

"Ugh," Nino groaned.

"I will…sacrifice my very existence to please Master!" Food-chan wailed. It looked like it was crying, but only its tofu body seeped out more sauce. "Master has all the power to consume us, use us, and throw us away. But we will never object! For we will love Master and fulfill our duty!"

"O-okay, okay!" Nino said, trying to calm down the poor tofu. "I’ll go to sleep on Bed-chan, and I promise to eat you too."

Food-chan stopped seeping and glanced up with its big chibi eyes. “You will?”

"I-I promise?" Nino smirked awkwardly.

"Yatta!" Food-chan cheered. "I will be inside Master and nourish him until he excretes me out!"

Food-chan hopped onto Nino’s palm, and Nino climbed back onto Bed-chan. He turned off his laptop and placed it (along with his dinner plate) on the bedside table.

"Er, good night, Bed-chan," Nino said.

"Good night, Master Nino," it replied. "If you ever feel like masturbating again, I will soak up the mess so it won’t smell as bad the next morning."

Nino made a face but still made an awkward grin. “T-thanks…Bed-chan.”

He popped Food-chan into his mouth and tried to fall asleep.


End file.
